Best of Week: Sex vs. Gender

You are born with a sex, but are you really born with a gender? I always believed that 'sex' and 'gender' could be used interchangeably; both defined completely by biological and physical factors. But after thinking it through and discussing the matter in class, gender really means so much more than that; there is a whole other mental and emotional aspect that contributes to one's gender, different than one's sex, that not many people realize.

Thinking about those numerous times I have had to fill out my information, can the question of "What gender are you?" simply be answered with an 'M' or an 'F'? Or should there be two questions, asking my gender along with my sex? I feel as though describing one's gender can not be answered in one word, considering that psychologically, we all have a little bit of the other gender in ourselves. Women are said to have a more emotional and sensitive brain, while men are more analytical and structural. Does this mean that because my sex is female, I cannot be logical? We are constantly labeled as one way or the other, male or female, and although we usually identify ourselves this way, the black and white distinction leads people to choose between one or the other on the basis that we cannot be a compilation of both.

This gray area, so to speak, is often overlooked. For example, the referenced Native American author spoke about how his qualities of being sensitive or emotional - deemed feminine characteristics - often lead people to jump to the conclusion that he must be gay, because there was no possible way he could be deep and straight at the same time. I feel as though some people have a hard time accepting that a male can be a little feminine, or a female can be a bit masculine, and because the distinction between sex and gender is widely unknown, we are often forced to make a sometimes incorrect deduction or assumption on one's gender because of their "un-sexly" characteristics.

I now believe that one's gender is based on their identity, not the physicality of the body they were born in. Society makes us think that we must act or be a certain way based on our sex, but our gender is not that simple. A man who cries or wears his hair long does not make him gay. A female who likes to play sports or build things does not make her gay. The fact that we even acknowledge these distinctions and let them alter our opinions is unnecessary. Acknowledging the difference between 'sex' and 'gender' has taught me not to be quick to judge someone because they act a certain way or not to expect anything from someone based on how society defines their sex. These incorrect assumptions that many make ultimately stem from the simplistic labeling of 'male' and 'female' that we choose to use to define those around us. Until we as a society accepts the gray area, we will continue to live in a world of black and white.

Captured Thought: Taking Time Into Your Own Hands

"They always say that time changes things, but you actually have to change them yourself."
- Andy Warhol, The Philosophy of Andy Warhol

As a self-declared optimist I am naturally obligated to believe that even in the most opaque, smoggy, and dreary of rooms there is a light that is waiting to be turned on. I am constantly under the impression, no matter how far-fetched or - if I dare say the "i" word - impossible things may be, there is always a way to achieve our goals. But in addition to being an optimist, as self-diagnosed introvert, who loves to do beyond my fair share of meditation and internal reflection, I have come to the conclusion that we must always take matters into our own hands in order for change to be successful.

As humans, and even more so, as Americans, we tend to believe that things will be handed to us clean and dusted with a pristine red bow as long as we just let life take its course. But what if I said life doesn't have a pre-made course? What if in reality we don't walk a path already made for us and accept every curveball, fastball, breaking ball, or change up on the basis that "time heals all wounds." I believe we are the authors of our own stories. We think that life has a way of untangling itself with time, and maybe it does, but not without ourselves acting as the catalyst.

Paradoxically I must presently travel to the past and reference a previously read section of Orlando where Orlando spent much time thinking, but only a moment acting.

"...time when he is thinking becomes inordinately long; time when he is doing becomes inordinately short" (72).

This quote prompted the question, why are we given seemingly eons upon eons to think, but nanoseconds to act? If we truly seek change, why does it seem we are given so little time to achieve it? My answer to this would be that time spent doing and prompting that desired change may be brief, but these decisions we make to change have a immeasurable lifetime of consequences. Orlando spent what seemed like centuries in his own head questioning and concluding, pondering and answering. Even though he was evolving mentally, nothing truly changed until he declared and made the conscious choice to no longer write to please anyone but himself. When he literally put in on paper and started to write freely, he had changed, and it was not time that had forced him to do so.

As the extremely wise, universally loved, and uncontroversial Yoko Ono said, "Time is a concept that humans created." I believe this holds true. As much as I believe and tell myself that everything will be okay with time, I know that this is only true because I have made, are making, and will make the choice to change. It is foolish to believe that the light in the previously mentioned room will turn itself on as long as I wait patiently for it to appear. It is not the wait that brings the solution, but the conscious decisions to take action and flip the switch in our own dungeons that heal our wounds.

Venice Beach, August, 2012